Our 20s.

Maybe what they say about our 20s is true. We should confused, lost, and trying to find our footing on this unstable world we are living in. My name is Veronica. I am 24 years old. I have a Bachelor's Degree. I am unemployed. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, or even how to get moving in the direction I want. My only idea of a goal right now is to be a tour manager or even a merch person. I want to travel with a band. It is something I have wanted to do for a long time and the dream has not died yet. Unfortunately, every door that has seemed to open to lead in that direction ended up closing, or only leading to a closet that went no where. I have spent countless hours doing mundane tasks to help out bands. I worked at a music venue for two years. I have helped at a management company (two actually). And yet here I sit. Feeling no closer to finding a job, or an opportunity than I was back in college. I am lost. I am unsure that I am even looking in the right direction. And I have no idea where to go or what to do about that.

Thankfully, at the current moment, I have enough money in the bank to keep paying rent and eating and living at least slightly comfortably for the next few months. But then what? What is the purpose of me being here if all I do is sit around and watch netflix, surf the internet for jobs, and get no closer to any real anything...?

On a positive note, things are going well in my social life. I am continuing to learn how to invest in friendships with people and actually try to connect with them. This is something I have struggled with for a long time. The cynical part of me tells me to be a hermit because eventually everyone leaves. But I know that is the worst perspective to have on life, and it will get me absolutely nowhere. I like people. And I like being around them, because I know that other people have a lot to teach me about myself and the world. And I want to learn. Besides, I am no good at being a hermit. It's boring.

I have been spending a lot of time reading and watching countless hours of what-have-you. I love reading a good story. A book where I can completely lose myself in an alternative universe. Where I can connect so heavily with a character that I actually feel emotions as I flip through the pages. It's not terribly often that I find a book that really pulls me in that way, but when I find the right one, I love the feeling. So if you have any great book suggestions for me, please let me know. Until then, I am going to start the Harry Potter series over again, because those were the characters I grew up with and I want to get lost in that emotion again.

I am terrible at blogging. I have no idea what I am writing or why anyone would want to read it. But there is a taste of what is happening in my brain. I hope it was at least a little bit insightful.

Being an "adult"

A lot has happened since the last time I posted on here. I moved to Ballard, got the job at Apple, and really started to become what I have been calling "grown up." It's odd to think about, considering I have been independent for almost 6 years, but for the first time in my life I don't have the crutch of school anymore. I am now having to make my own money (no more student loans) and pay bills/rent. Woo! It's hard, but I am going to survive.

Even through the struggle, I am happy. I am excited. I am nervous. I am scared. But I am really, truly happy here. My roommates are amazing and Ballard is such a cool place. Life is good, and aside from struggling with money, I know it's going to be okay.

I had some hard new yesterday, and I let it hit me way too hard. I really put my expectations too high, and allowed myself to get hurt. But once I talked it out, and considered my options, I came out feeling much better. I have a long road ahead of me but I can't wait to see what is coming my way.

V

Finally.

I got the job at the TV station! I worked at Folklife for them. Quite an interesting event, but it was a lot of fun. I am glad to be working. It is really nice to have something to do. I know have 4 jobs, technically. Still waiting to hear back from the radio station. I really hope I get it. Then I can drop the retail job, lord knows I don't belong there haha.

Other than that, life isn't bad. I am in a huge transition stage, and the waiting game will not let me make a damn move. So I wait. Hopefully I will know when I am moving soon, if I will have enough money to move, where I'm moving, and all of that good stuff. It is time to start getting paid and living in an apartment. For realzzzz.

I am kind of going through a weird transition stage in my head as well as just in life in general. I starting to realize some things about myself that I don't think I was aware of before. It's weird, but I think it's good that I am becoming aware of them so I can face those things. It leaves me questioning where I am at, and where I am going quite often. I just have to remind myself that I'm only 22, I don't need to have life figured out yet.

Some things about myself I am dealing with right now:
- I avoid eye contact with people when I am nervous around them [either because I don't trust them, or I am upset with them and unable to face it]
- I am starting to think I don't want kids. I don't want to bring a kid into this world and mess them up. Maybe I'll feel differently someday, if I find the right, loving man to bring a child into this world with.
- I want a relationship with my dad.


Anywho, until next time.

Expectations

So I never heard back from the TV station. I called twice and left messages but to no avail. Why? I wish I knew. After an awesome interview like that you would think I would at least get a call.

On a positive note, I had a really great interview at a radio station in Seattle. I had the drug test and background check so that's good. I should hear something this week. If I don't get this job, I don't know what I am going to do or where else to look. -sigh- Though I do I have a part time job right now, it's not enough to even consider moving out by July.

Sometimes I just get... down. It's been over two months. And the job search just sucks. I know good things are coming, but being patient is becoming increasingly frustrating. It will work out.

Til next time.

Thoughts

Well, here I am. It's been almost 2 months since I graduated (gag) and I still don't have a job. I have spent almost every dollar I had saved (albeit, I was lacking much money in the first place) and I have no idea what to do. I have applied to probably 50 different jobs and I've only heard back from four. On a positive note, I am pretty sure I am going to be hired to work as a Street Team person at that TV station, and I am really excited for that! Downside, lack of hours. But that's okay.

I think I am going to apply to work as an overnight staffer at some clothing stores and see what happens. I just need some money. I've tried selling shit, but to no avail. And now I wait. The waiting game sucks, btw. I have bills to payyy. And I want to be able to grab a bite to eat while I'm out. You know, the simple pleasures that come with money?

Anyway, I continue my search and hope that some soul out there realizes I'm awesome and gives me a job. I'm bummed that the radio job didn't work out, but I am going to keep trying.

Oh. And I think I might apply for a job at Invisible Children next year. Just an idea. I kind of think that might be a really awesome job. Hmm.

Okay. Life goes on. Hopefully I get some money before I have to go without a car and a phone. Woo!

Not all those who wander are lost.

Well, here goes nothing.
This blog idea was suggested to me by my friend, and I've decided to dive in. I don't know if I will be any good at it, but why not?

Introductions first, I suppose. You can call me "V-Town" or the more condensed and therefore easier to say "V". I'm 22 years old and I just graduated college.

Now. It's time to grow up. And figure out what the hell I am doing with my life. My dreams: tour with a band, work at a record label, co-open a music venue. [PS: Thank God I'm only 22, because it's going to take awhile before any of these come true] I had high hopes of travelling with my friends' band, however, due to life and various other circumstances they "disbanded." This means there are going to be a lot more steps for me to get to any of those goals. Am I giving up? NO!

As for what I'm doing right now. I have two interviews tomorrow at hotels in Seattle. If I got hired at either of them, I would be working 40 hours a week, and it would probably take up a good portion of my life.
Pros: uh, hello, family and friend discount? 40 hours a week means money [which my life is seriously lacking]. Something to do. Money so I can move to Seattle by July.
Con(s): Little free time to pursue all my music interests [now this is only sort of a con, because right now I have very few prospects].

I hope I get a job. I hope that having one doesn't make me end up doing exactly what I never wanted to do, get stuck. Yes. I like Washington. Yes. I like having money. But. I don't want to end up 40 years old, never having travelled, not in the music industry, and stuck. PLEASE DEAR GOD, NO.

I am going, at least slightly, in the right direction. I am still an intern at a music venue in Seattle. And I am picking up more responsibilities there. I think this will open more doors for me. I also hope that doors continue to open. Settling and I, we aren't really friends. We've never really gotten along.
Oh! And I will be putting together a music video for a good friend of mine. Which has me all giddy excited. Hopefully the end product is something to be proud of.

Anyway, if you read this. Cool. If you skimmed through to the end. I don't blame you. I probably would have done the same thing.

Until next time,
V-Town